marriage of convenience
by Waffles Of Doom
Summary: It was a marriage of convenience more than anything. Freddie needed a wife to get his mom off his back about being constantly alone, and Sam? Sam just needed a next of kin.
1. Prologue

**Prologue.**

Freddie was sitting in the diner Sam worked at back when they were in their senior year of high school, having lunch with his best friend.

"Sometimes," Freddie sighed. "I just wish I could get married, and get my mom off my back. She rings me every few hours you know, just to see if I've met a girl yet."

"I can't blame her, if I was your mother and you were turning thirty four this year, and never really had a serious girlfriend, I'd want to find you someone," Sam commented. "And fast. Who wants to have to take care of their adult son for the rest of their life?"

"Oh ha-ha," Freddie rolled his eyes. "Love is overrated anyway."

"How do you know if you've never been in love?" Sam challenged.

"I've made an executive decision about this." He replied with a shrug, eating a couple of lukewarm chips. "Why is everyone so obsessed with finding this one person to spend the rest of their lives with anyway?"

"Quite the cynic Fredweird," Sam said, slurping the end of her milkshake, and reaching for Freddie's. "And no one can face spending the rest of their lives alone."

"Even you?"

Sam paused in her downing of Freddie's drink. "I don't know, I've never really thought about it."

Freddie was kind of surprised, of all the people he would have thought that Sam would have straight out answered that no, she didn't need any nub to take care of her.

Maybe his best friend was going soft, something to do with hitting thirty four? That, or she was actually a hopeless romantic- secretly, of course.

"So, if someone asked you to marry them today, you might say yes?" Freddie asked. His question was absurd, that much he knew, but he wanted to see her reaction.

"Are you offering?" Sam smirked.

"I guess I am," Freddie played along.

"Of course," Sam began. "You'd have to do it properly."

With that, she stood up, and started to leave the diner.

As they stood outside the diner, Freddie had an idea.

"Hey, Sam?"

The blonde haired girl spun on her heel, and looked at Freddie, who was now down on one knee.

"Marry me?" He looked up at her, his soulful brown eyes full of laughter.

"Yes."

Freddie looked like he was going to die of shock. "I- We're only joking Sam."

"Actually," Sam said. "If you think about it, it makes sense."

"How?" Freddie hadn't moved from his awkward position kneeling on the pavement.

"You need to get your mom off your back," She explained. "And I want to get married."

"You want to get married? To me?"

"You were my first kiss Fredweird, among other things." Sam shrugged. "Why not be my first husband?"

"You're crazy."

"So, you're taking back your proposal of marriage?"

Freddie looked at her carefully. She was his best friend, and had been for so many years. She wouldn't be the worst person to get married to, for however long it lasted.

"This is such a stupid, crazy, bad idea." He sighed.

Sam grinned. "You're in then?"

"Yeah, of course I am!"

/

**Author's Note:** This is just a short introduction/prologue sort of thing to the main story, which I will put the first chapter of up soon! This is obviously a future fic, but just in case you didn't figure that much out, you know now xD

Reviews are love!


	2. One

**One.**

Freddie woke up, his eyes focusing on an unfamiliar ceiling. It was the ceiling of a hotel in downtown Seattle, and that could only mean one thing- it was his wedding day.

After he and Sam decided that they'd get married, everything was organized quickly. Neither of them wanted a big wedding, after all it was pretty much a fake one, so it was barely three months since their engagement.

He swung his legs out of the bed, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, yawning as he did so.

"Excited?"

Freddie looked up to see his best friend, business partner, and best man Carter Hunt standing in the doorway of the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

"Yeah," Freddie nodded, and he wasn't lying. He was excited.

"You're a lucky bastard, getting a girl like Sam." Carter continued. "I have literally, the worst taste in women."

Carter had only gotten divorced from his apparent 'childhood sweetheart,' who was, in all honest, crazy. And possessive, and had a giant case of jealous whenever Carter looked at a girl, never mind spoke to one.

"Hey," Freddie slapped his shoulder. "They do say that weddings are the best place to meet people."

"Why?"

"Everyone's drunk, and anyone who's single just wants to get laid out of sheer sadness because yet again, they're alone at a wedding, watching yet another happy couple start their lives together."

"You know this from experience?" Carter grinned, tossing his toothbrush by the sink.

Freddie nodded. He had spent every wedding he'd ever been too getting drunk out of his mind. Occasionally, he slept with some other girl who was feeling the exact same way, but mostly he got drunk, went home and cursed love.

"Well, you wont ever have to have an experience like that again." Carter said, opening the wardrobe where their suits hung. "Sam is forever going to be your plus one, to everything."

"Try not to unload any of your terrible marriage advice on me," Freddie rolled his eyes. "It's not liked it worked for you."

"At least Sam is mentally stable," Carter grumbled.

"Was Alyssa really that bad?"

"You don't know the half of it," Carter said. "Anyway. Shut up, and get dressed. it's the bride's job to be late for the wedding, not yours."

/

Freddie stood at the altar, fiddling with his cufflinks. Despite his and Sam's demands of a simple wedding, his mom had paid for the full blown church wedding, albeit smaller than she would have liked.

Carly had forced him to wear a proper suit, and had stated that purple and white was the best colour scheme to have. Her childhood dreams of being a wedding planner had surfaced as soon as Freddie and Sam announced their engagement.

The wedding march began, and Freddie turned to face the church. A few seconds later, the doors opened, and Sam walked in, Spencer at her side.

Sam didn't have any family, at least none that she wanted to contact, or actually liked. Spencer, who was pretty much her brother at this stage was the obvious choice to give her away- and he was more than happy too.

Sam looked stunning. Over the past few months, she had cut her blond curls shorter and shorter, and they just fell past her shoulders now. She still had side bangs, like she'd had since they were teenagers, and she had a simple veil pinned to the back of her head.

She was wearing a wedding dress that was so typically Sam. There was a line of silver diamante _things _on the top of the dress, and that was really it for decoration- simple, and understated, but it was somehow the most beautiful dress Freddie had ever seen.

"You look amazing," Freddie said as Sam reached the altar, and handed her bouquet to Carly.

"You look like a nub." Sam said. "But you don't look so bad yourself."

"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of Samantha, and Fredward in matrimony." The registrar began.

Both of them winced at the sound of their full names. It was hard to tell who hated their full name more, Sam or Freddie.

Freddie spaced out a little as the registrar rambled about how love was so important for the basis of a marriage, and about the symbolism of the wedding ring. He'd heard it about a million times before, he could have officiated the ceremony himself at that stage.

He thought he would feel a lot more guilty about this whole marriage of convenience thing, but he didn't. He felt fine about it, if he was being honest. That was what scared him most.

Then again, you were supposed to marry your best friend, right? And Sam, she was his best friend. His oldest friend, and his best friend.

"Do you, Fredward take Samantha to be your wife, to live together in marriage, to love her, comfort her, honour her and keep her, in sickness and in health?"

"I do," Freddie said, Sam's hands feeling warm in his own.

"Then repeat after me," The registrar said, and rattled off what Freddie was to say.

"I Fredward, take you Samantha to have and to hold, from this day forward. I promise to be your true and loyal husband, and to love and honour you always. I do this because I love you today, I will love you tomorrow and I will love you always."

"And do you, Samantha, take Fredward to be your husband, to live together in marriage, to love him, comfort him, honour him and keep him in sickness and in health?"

"I do." Sam nodded.

The registrar then reeled off the same vows he had done for Freddie.

"I Sam," She said, pointedly not using her full name. "Take you Fredward to have and to hold, from this day forward. I promise to be your true and loyal wife and to love and honour you always. I do this because I love you today, I will love you tomorrow and I will love you always."

Sam and Freddie then exchanged rings, rings of platinum that felt cold against their skin.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Washington," The registrar began. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Freddie leaned in after a seconds pause, and kissed Sam. It was strange really, just how easy it was to kiss her again, even after all these years.

And even after all these years, he could still feel those same sparks.

/

"You are a terrible dancer," Sam said as she and Freddie manoeuvred awkwardly across the dance floor.

"I know," Freddie nodded. "But so are you."

"Just try and stop standing on my feet," Sam rolled her eyes. "Everyone's watching us."

"We're supposed to be a newly married couple," Freddie returned. "They're waiting for us to do something romantic."

"Go on then."

"What?"

"Do something romantic, nub." She explained, rolling those ice blue eyes of hers.

"Husband-nub," Freddie corrected, and he dipped Sam quickly.

"Romantic enough,"

"If you kissed me," Sam said as Freddie brought her back up to his height. "It might have been more believable."

"How about you make an effort to be all loved up and romantic?" He complained. "I don't see why I have to do it all."

"Men are supposed to,"

"I thought you supported feminism wholeheartedly,"

"If I was that much of a feminist," Sam glared at him. "I wouldn't have gotten married, would I?"

Freddie had to admit she was right.

"I know I'm right," She said. It was almost as if she could read his thoughts.

"Have you got that scary wife ESP thing now?" He inquired, holding her a little closer in an effort to make their dance seem more like that of a newly married couple.

"When it comes to you," Sam looked at him with a grin. "I've always been able to read you like an open book."

"Is that a good thing?"

"You aren't a very complex person," She continued after a pause, a pause in which she pondered her answer.

"In comparison to you?" Freddie raised an eyebrow. "Give you a packet of Fat Cakes and a girly cow box set and you're sorted."

"For an hour or two," Sam corrected. "I think I've grown up a bit."

"You mean, you've gotten boring." Freddie teased good naturedly.

Sam laughed, but had to shake her head. "No, I mean everything that's happened between us, back in senior year, made me grow up."

What had happened during that year had crossed Freddie's mind, but only selectively. There was pieces of that year he didn't want to dredge up, not ever, and especially not on his wedding day; even if the marriage was a complete sham.

"We should probably talk about that someday," Freddie sighed, spinning Sam back in close to his chest. "But for now, lets enjoy the wedding."

"As you wish Mr Benson," Sam grinned, and put her arms around his neck.

"I suggest getting completely drunk so we don't have to listen to people tell us how hard married life will be,"

"And your Aunt literally spent a half hour telling me what is the best bran of diapers to buy, if you ever happen to knock me up." Sam smirked. "To erase that from my memory, I need vodka. Go forth husband, and get me alcohol."

/

Finally, Freddie and Sam managed to leave their reception for the safety of their room, an incredibly luxurious honeymoon suite, complete with a mini fridge, which they were now happily raiding.

Freddie had discarded his tie, jacket and some of his shirt buttons were undone, and Sam had happily kicked off the heels Carly had said she just had to wear, and was eating a bar of chocolate.

"If Carly was here," Sam said through a mouth of chocolate-y goodness. "She would have a heart attack at the sight of me eating chocolate in my wedding dress."

Freddie gave a half hearted laugh.

"What?" Sam's amazing powers of ESP weren't necessary to pick up on the fact something was wrong.

"Do you feel bad, that we're lying to everyone?" He inquired. "I mean, we're married because we had this insane idea in a diner, not because we want to grow old together."

"Everyone's been saying all day how they expected us to get together again, eventually." Sam shrugged. "Why not give them what they want?"

"But it's not like we're going to stay married forever, is it?"

"No, we aren't." Sam replied, and paused to think. "But we tried dating before, and it's never worked."

"We always insulted each other to the point where every conversation was a screaming match," Freddie nodded, remembering it all to well. "But like you said earlier, we've grown up."

"Doesn't mean that we can't still put our failed relationship down to irreconcilable differences," Sam said, putting air quotes around relationships.

"I guess,"

"Just stop stressing Frednub," She said, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. "It's going to be fine, no one is ever going to know this whole marriage thing was a total lie."

"Not a total lie," Freddie said, his voice thoughtful. "They do say you're meant to marry your best friend,"

"I'm pretty sure that's not what it means," Sam began before Freddie interrupted her.

Flashing her a dazzling white smile, he spoke. "Its all open to interpretation Mrs Benson."

/

**Author's Note: **I know it may seem like I rushed into the wedding, but I don't want to write the build up, because the story takes place after their wedding, so there wouldn't really be much of a storyline if I wrote the whole rigmarole of preparing for the big day.

Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews for the prologue, I didn't expect such a reception, so thank you! :3

I'll hopefully have the next chapter up in the morning, (I'm in the GMT time zone mind you, so it's like 2am here.) Yeah, I don't sleep much. Ever.

But, once again, reviews are love!


	3. Two

**Two.**

"Are you ready yet?" Freddie called. He was lying on the bed in their hotel room, flicking through the photos they had taken over the week.

They were in Hawaii for their honeymoon, a place both of them had always wanted to go.

Neither of them could take much time off work, so they only had a week. They had spent most their time lounging on the beach, soaking up the hot sun that you didn't get in Seattle. It was relaxing, and neither of them wanted to leave.

Alas, it was their last night on the beautiful island, and they were going for dinner in a restaurant Carter had told them they couldn't leave the island with going to.

"Yeah, just a second." Sam walked out of the bathroom, and Freddie did a double take. She was wearing a blue dress that fell above her knees, and hugged her curvaceous figure perfectly.

As they entered their twenties, Sam had grown a lot more comfortable with her body, and always made an effort with clothes nowadays.

"You look awesome," Freddie said, standing up. He himself was just wearing a white and blue pinstriped shirt, and a pair of beige chinos. Plain, and simple was how Freddie liked to dress.

"It's not like we're actually a couple," Sam rolled her eyes. "You don't have to compliment everything I wear,"

"But I am your best friend," Freddie said, laughing inwardly at the fact they were nothing more than best friends, but married. It was strange, really. "And I can tell you whether or not you look amazing if I like."

"Nub," She muttered under her breath, but smiled at the compliment anyway. "I'm hungry,"

"Too dinner we go," Freddie held out his arm.

He and Sam had a pretty easy going friendship. A lot of people used to think they were dating, because they had no qualms about physical contact, but they weren't.

They had tried dating before, back when they were sixteen, and it lasted a week before they settled back into being Sam and Freddie, no labels, nothing.

/

"This food is amazing," Sam said as they tucked into their dinner.

"Carter did say it was awesome," Freddie nodded, his mouth full of heavenly deliciousness.

"She might have been a crazy bitch," Sam said chewing before she continued. "But Alyssa did have great taste in restaurants."

Freddie nodded. Carter had said that Hawaii was an amazing place, he and Alyssa had come here for their first anniversary. Freddie's best friend had recommended the hotel, and it was a brilliant choice.

Carter loved to travel, and spent hours sitting with Sam and Freddie, showing them hundreds of photos, and telling them about all these incredible places they could go to for their faux honeymoon.

"You don't get food like this at home," Sam commented.

Freddie didn't reply, he simply watched as Sam put a forkful of salad in her mouth, getting whatever the dressing was on her chin.

"You've something," Freddie said, gesturing to her chin.

"What?" Sam hadn't a clue what he was talking about.

"Sauce," Freddie said. "There is sauce on your face."

"Where?" She said, holding her napkin in preparation to wipe it away.

"The general area of your face," Freddie teased. He reached across the table, and wiped it off with his own napkin. "There, all gone."

Sam laughed. "I'm not a baby, I could have done it myself!"

"I know," Freddie shrugged, not bothering to add that he just wanted to touch her. No use in telling her that some old feelings were starting to resurface.

Though, Freddie wasn't sure if they'd ever really gone away, if he was being honest.

/

"Freddie," Sam whined, plopping down on the side of the double bed. "Open my zip for me? I'm too tired to,"

She had her short blonde curls gathered in her hands, out of the way of the silver zip that ran down the back of her dress.

Freddie sat up, just enough so he could open the it without fumbling like a child. His fingers held onto the zip tightly, and he pulled it down, the creamy expanse of the skin on Sam's back, and her black underwear coming into view.

And god, she was even more beautiful than she had been back when they were in senior year.

"Thank you," Sam stood up, and shimmed out of the figure hugging dress, bundling it in her hands and tossing it to the side.

Freddie was sitting up properly now, and shamelessly drinking in the beauty of Sam's scantily clothed body. She might be his best friend, but he was a guy. That stuff didn't matter when there was a beautiful girl standing in her underwear a foot away from you.

Sam whirled around, her blonde curls spinning out around her head in a halo. She was facing Freddie, and their bed again, and so she sat down, yawning.

"I don't want to go back to Seattle," She sighed. "Everything's easier, simpler here."

Freddie couldn't answer, because honestly he thought that instead of forming a sentence, he would start to drool as soon as he opened his mouth. That, or start making noises one would associate with some kind of animal.

"Freddie?" Sam looked at him, one eyebrow raised, looking at him as he held his breath slightly. His face was tinged a red colour, both from lack of oxygen and another emotion he couldn't put his finger on.

"You okay?" She put her hand on his forehead. "Do you feel sick?"

He didn't know what came over him, not really, but he leaned forward and kissed Sam.

And she kissed back, twice as passionately.

For a few minutes, they were a mess of arms and limbs, their lips locked together, tongues battling for dominance, and there seemed to be no way to prise them apart, not now.

That is, until Sam felt her head hit one of the soft pillows, and she pulled away from Freddie, looking at him, the dim light of the room making her ice blue eyes even brighter.

"Jesus Freddie," Sam panted. "What are we doing?"

Freddie was just as out of breath as she was. "What? Don't you want this?"

Sam shook her head. "Its not that, its just.. This was supposed to be an experiment, not a chance for us to start having sex again."

"Well," Freddie kissed down her collarbone, something that he knew drove Sam crazy with lust. "We were never too good at playing by the rules, were we?"

And with that, Sam attacked Freddie's lips again, her hands grabbing the soft cloth material of his t-shirt.

If this was breaking the rules, she was more than happy too.

/

**Authors Note: **This chapter came out differently than I had intended. Ahem.

Anyway, thank you for all the amazing reviews, it's awesome to wake up and check my email, and find all these lovely reviews :3 Thank you for reviewing, alerting, or simply reading it- it means a lot.

I'll try update a few more times this weekend, because I'm in an exam year and I literally have too much work and study to do for writing to cross my mind. Study, sleep and eating is my weekday schedule!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and as always, reviews are love!


	4. Three

**Three**

Sam fiddled with the thin covers that were wrapped around her body, thinking.

"What are we now?" Freddie asked quietly, from where he was propped up on his elbows.

"Married," Sam shrugged, her eyes locked on the ceiling.

"No I mean," Freddie pondered how he would say it. "Is this still an experiment? Do we actually have feelings for each other now?"

"We're Sam and Freddie," The blonde haired girl shrugged. "Just like we've always been."

/

"Carly's here," Sam said. They had spent most of the flight home in silence, and not a comfortable silence either. "We should look a little bit more loved up,"

Everything gets a little more complicated when you start sleeping with someone, especially when you're not supposed to like each other, not anymore.

Freddie nodded, and took Sam's free hand in his own.

"Hey guys!" Carly squealed as they approached her. "How was the honeymoon?"

Carly was so excited at the fact they had gotten married. She had always thought they'd make an amazing couple, and she hated the fact they were both alone, while she was happily married and had a little girl- and another baby on the way.

"Great," Sam plastered a big fake smile across her face, hiding the half hearted one she'd been walking around wearing all morning. "It was really great, wasn't it Freddie?"

"Oh yeah," Freddie nodded, his mind not on the conversation. "It was great. Couldn't have been better, in fact!"

"Take Sam's stuff Freddie," Carly said, smiling. "I want to catch up with her."

"Yes my dear husband," Sam said, a sparkle coming into her eyes. "Carry my bags,"

Freddie rolled his eyes, but took the handle of Sam's suitcase. He was lucky his bag went over his shoulder, or he'd have had trouble getting to the front doors of the arrivals hall.

"Welcome to married life," Derek, Carly's husband said with a grin, pushing the buggy where his sleeping daughter lay.

"Can someone book me on a plane back to Hawaii?" Freddie joked, dragging the suitcase behind him. "Dear god, does she have a dead boy in here?"

"Woman have this tendency to carry too much stuff around with them," Derek said as they walked to the carpark. "You get used to being a bag carrier."

"I can't wait," Freddie grimaced. Their marriage might have been a fake one, but no doubt Sam would happily unload her bags on Freddie every chance she got- she was Sam, after all.

A few paces ahead, Sam and Carly walked side by side.

"So?" Carly said pointedly.

"So?" Sam raised an eyebrow. Carly and her assumptions that a single word could convey a question.

"How was it?" She demanded.

"Relaxing," Sam nodded. "We went to the beach a lot-"

"No," Carly shook her head. "I mean, how was **he**?"

It took a second for Sam to catch on, and another second to think of a response. "I'm not discussing the intimate details of me and Freddie's sex life with you Carls. I love you, but not that much."

"C'mon Sam," Carly whined. "Spill!"

"Nope," Sam shook her head. "Just because you aren't getting any.."

"I'm pregnant!" Carly snapped. "At least answer me this, was there a lot of it?"

"Oh yeah," Sam grinned. "We were like a pair of randy rabbits."

Carly pulled a disgusted face. "I didn't need that image."

"You asked," Sam shrugged, and turned around, calling to Freddie as she did so. "Cart donkey, hurry up. I'm hungry."

"I want a divorce," Freddie yelled from where he was struggling to pull Sam's heavy bag to the car. "But you can't always get what you want."

/

"When did we decide we were living in my apartment again?" Freddie inquired as they stood in the kitchen of Freddie's fifth floor apartment.

"I made the executive decision." Sam shrugged. "Plus, I like your apartment better."

That was a good enough reason, Freddie supposed.

"D'you want to go get your stuff then?"

Sam nodded. "A lot of it's packed, anyway."

Freddie raised an eyebrow. "You're prepared."

The blonde woman smirked at him. "You never know."

"You always planned on moving in here, didn't you?" Freddie came to the realization as he grabbed the keys of his car from the tray by the door.

Sam simply tapped her nose, and stuck her hand out for the keys. "I'm driving,"

Freddie relinquished the keys without protest. Sam would just get them off him eventually if he resisted.

"Do I have to carry everything again?" He moaned as they walked down the stairs to the lobby.

Freddie saluted a few of his neighbours, dropping a hello here and there, and a thank you in return for the many congratulations he and Sam received.

"Don't be such a whiny little kid," Sam said, slipping into Freddie's sleek black car. The car was his pride and joy, he loved if as if it were a person, constantly cleaning, polishing, and hovering it. "This is what being a husband is all about,"

Sam loved to drive it, her truck had been crashed into a few months previously, and it was so badly damaged it couldn't be repaired.

She couldn't afford a new car, not on her wages, so she had to get lifts from people, or take the bus. Usually she bummed a lift, she hated getting the bus.

As they drove through the bright Seattle afternoon, the events of the honeymoon were pushed to the back of their mind. Sam turned up the radio loudly.

Don't Stop Believing, the Journey version, not the terrible Glee version, was on, and both Freddie and Sam loved. They sang along loudly, not caring about the weird looks they were getting from passers by.

This is what Freddie loved about their relationship, friendship, whatever you could call it at this stage- they always had fun. Being with Sam, life certainly wasn't boring.

They pulled up outside Sam's apartment block, where she rented an apartment on the bottom floor.

"Lets go cart donkey," Sam grinned, locking the car doors. "You've got some boxes to carry."

/

They'd made three trips back and forth to Sam's apartment, and now there was boxes of her stuff dotted around Freddie's once neat and tidy apartment.

He was a perfectionist when it came to his home, he had to have everything in a certain order, and it always had to be tidy. He didn't mind the mess today though, not completely at least.

Freddie was stirring a pot of pasta, Sam perched on the counter beside him.

"Try this," Freddie held up a spoon of sauce for her to taste. He prided himself on the fact he could make a mean pasta sauce, but Sam's reaction would tell him whether or not is was actually good.

Sam put the spoon in her mouth, her pink tongue swirling around the metal. She let the taste linger for a minute before nodding.

"Yum." She handed him back the spoon. "I have to admit, you're a pretty good cook."

"It doesn't need more salt, does it?" Freddie inquired.

"I'll let you judge," Sam grinned. She did something surprising then, she put her hands on either side of Freddie's face, and kissed him slowly. She tasted faintly of pasta sauce, but that thought barely crossed his mind.

"What are we Sam?" He asked again as they broke apart.

"No labels," Sam shrugged. "We work better without labels. Lets just see how this goes, yeah?"

Freddie nodded, and he couldn't help but remember a conversation he'd had with Sam, sixteen, almost seventeen years beforehand. It was the first time they'd slept together, Freddie had asked what they were and Sam's answer was practically the same.

No labels hadn't really gotten them anywhere back then, and Freddie had to wonder if no labels would do anything for them this time, either.

/

**Authors Note: **Thanks again for the reviews, you're all awesome and I love you :3 I think the story will start a little more in the next chapter. Oh, who am I kidding? I know exactly when it gets exciting, I'm just not telling.

Oh, and Javagirl1992 was the only person who got the purple reference in the first chapter when they get married; Freddie was wearing purple, and purple is the Seddie colour!

Once more, reviews are the best form of love!


	5. Four

**Four.**

"Have a good day," Freddie said as Sam grabbed her bag, and headed for the apartment door. It was her first day back at work since they'd returned from the honeymoon.

"You too," She said, and left, closing the door behind her with a bang.

Freddie himself wasn't going in for another hour.

He was about to go take a shower when a phone rang. Sam's phone in fact, she must have forgotten it.

"Hello," He said. "Sam Benson's phone?"

He don't know why he said Benson, he wasn't sure if she was using Benson for everything. It's not like they were really, properly married.

"_Hello, is this Samantha Puckett's phone?"_

"Yeah," Freddie replied, the voice unfamiliar.

"_Could you put her on the line please?"_

"Sorry she's not here right now," He said, running his hand through his already messy hair. "Can I take a message?"

"_Yes, could you tell her Doctor Long called? It concerns her treatment."_

"Y-yes," Freddie said. "I'll pass it on."

"_Thank you. Goodbye,"_

"Bye." Freddie hung up in shock. Doctor? Treatment? Just what wasn't Sam telling him?

He stood there, stock still for what felt like forever, but only a couple of minutes had passed when he looked at the time on Sam's phone when it rang again.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Freddie, thank god you answered," _Sam's voice buzzed down the line. "_I thought I'd lost my phone."_

"No, its here on the counter." Freddie said. "Do you want me to drop it into you on my way to work?"

"_No, it's fine. I don't need it. Thanks though,"_

"No problem," Freddie said, deciding not to mention the call from the doctor. That would require a face to face conversation. "I'll see you later."

"_See you later Freddie."_

Freddie hung up the phone, and returned it to the counter. His mind whirling, he stumbled to the bathroom to take a shower.

Sam didn't keep secrets from him, not if it was something serious. And this? It had to be serious, when the words treatment and doctors where involved.

/

Sam grabbed her bag, and was about to head to the cafeteria in the office she worked in when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Sam!"

The blonde woman turned around to see her friend Trish fall into step beside her.

"Welcome home," Trish said with a smile. Sam had met her when she first started at the company, six years before hand, and they'd been pretty good friends since.

"Thanks," Sam returned the smile. It was hard not to smile around Trish, she was just incredibly happy all the time. "I'd rather not be back though."

"I'll say," Trish nodded. "I'm sure you'd prefer to be on a Hawaiian beach with your beau!"

"Even just the Hawaiian beach would be good," Sam grinned as they stepped into the elevator.

"I'd just like a big strong man to take care of me," Trish said, putting her hand on her heart and sighing. She had bounced from bad boyfriend to bad boyfriend for what must have been a few years at that stage, and was seriously considering swearing off men for good.

"I wouldn't describe Freddie as big and strong,"

"But he's a man." Trish looked at her. "That's the one quality that's necessary in a relationship. That and sex."

"And you used to be the romantic one," Sam laughed as they approached the cafeteria.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Trish said indignantly.

"What happened to love being part of a relationship?" She teased.

"Yeah, well, we aren't all as lucky as you Sam." Trish said. "Not all of us have got a Freddie Benson in our lives,"

As Trish spoke, Sam realized just how lucky she actually was. However complicated their relationship was, she was just lucky to have him in her life.

The two women joined Alexis, John, Tara and Jane, all of whom worked in the same office as them, at a table near a window.

"Welcome back Sam!" John greeted her.

John, he was a sweetheart. If Sam were to describe him, she would have to reference Mean Girls. Just like Damian, John was almost too gay to function.

For the next ten minutes or so, the conversation turned to Sam, Freddie, their wedding and the honeymoon.

Sam felt the lies about all the romantic walks along the beach, walks that were simply walks when they occurred, and everything else slip off her tongue easily.

So easily in fact, she herself could almost believe they had actually happened- if she didn't know better of course.

"So, do you and Freddie want to have kids?" Jane asked.

Sam froze slightly, but tried to hide her discomfort. She didn't like the topic of kids. "I don't know." She said, shrugging slightly. "In the future, maybe."

"I could just imagine min Sam's running around the place," John said. He had never met Freddie, not properly at least. Sam's friends from the office had only seen him at the wedding reception. "Eating ham and fat cakes,"

"With lots of blonde girls," Tara added.

Sam forced a grin, but inside she wanted to run away. Kids were not a topic she felt comfortable with. Not at all.

/

"Honey, I'm home," Sam yelled, tossing her keys into the tray by the door. "Freddie, where are you?"

"Sitting room," Freddie replied, his voice monotone.

Sam put her bag on the kitchen table, and entered the sitting room where Freddie was perched on the couch, twisting his tie between his fingers.

She sat on the sofa next to him, and kick off her heels, curling her feet up underneath her. "What's wrong?"

"A Doctor Long called for you this morning, after you left." Freddie said quietly, not taking his eyes off the tie. "Something about your treatment?"

If he had looked up right then, he would have seen the look of shock that settled on Sam's face as the words left his mouth.

Sam hadn't wanted him to find out this way. Not now. That was why she'd been lying for so long.

/

**Authors Note: **It appears things are getting a little less simple. Hmm..

I'm not sure how long this will be. I have the whole story planned out, but its not all written yet. I'm trying to write a few extra chapters this weekend so I can upload them during the week when I have less time to write, so we'll see how it goes.

Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, it means a lot!


	6. Five

**Five.**

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Freddie asked after an aching silence.

Sam looked at him carefully. "I shouldn't have kept it from you."

"I wont know until you tell me, will I?"

Freddie sounded.. Annoyed. Angry. Pissed even, and Sam couldn't blame him.

"I'm sick."

"I gathered that much."

"I mean, I'm really sick Freddie." Sam said quietly. "I've.. I've got cancer."

The word hit him like a ton of bricks. "C-cancer?"

Sam nodded sadly.

"And you're going to start treatment for it?" Freddie asked.

"That's the thing," Sam's voice was shaky. She didn't know how to say it. "They think it's terminal."

"They think it's terminal?" Freddie didn't know how to react. "But there's a chance you'll be okay, right?"

"I don't know. I have to go for more tests, they want to try another treatment." She sighed. Looking at Freddie with her piercing blue eyes, she spoke again. "But I don't know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Freddie asked, looking at Sam carefully.

"I don't know." Sam replied. "I thought it'd be easier if I didn't, not straight away at least. Us getting married worked for both of us, you needed to get your mom off your back, and I.. I'll need someone to take care of me. If it is terminal, I'm not dying in hospital."

Freddie didn't know what to say, how to react. He didn't even know if he could move at this point. He just continued to stare at her in shock.

"If you want to pull out of this, file for divorce, I get it." Sam said. "I'll be fine,"

"No, I want to do this." Freddie interrupted. "Marriage is for better or for worse,"

"Real marriages are."

"I don't know what kind of marriage we have," Freddie said. "I don't know if we're in love, but we love each other. That's enough, right?"

"Right." Sam's lip was trembling.

"You should have told me," Freddie said, dropping his tie to the floor, and edging closer to Sam. As he took her in his arms, she let out tears she'd been holding back for months. Months when she was dealing with this all on her own.

/

The day after Sam's doctor called, they found themselves in the hospital, waiting in the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

"Mr and Mrs Benson?" A nurse said, holding a chart. "Follow me please."

They followed her to a consultation room, where a dark haired doctor was waiting.

"Afternoon Sam," Doctor Long said, gesturing for them both to sit down.

Sam didn't do anything but nod.

The doctor spoke for a few minutes, but Freddie only really started to listen when she mentioned the words possible cure.

"Its experimental," The Doctor said. "And it has been known to cause severe side effects,"

"Why kind of side effects?" Freddie asked.

"Vomiting, lack of appetite, and there has been reports of numbness in feet and hands." Doctor Long said. "Like I said, its experimental."

"Do you think it's worth a try?"

"In my honest opinion?" The doctor said. "Yes, I do think that it is worth a try. But, ultimately up to you,"

"I want to try it." Sam said quietly, speaking for the first time.

"What about the side effects?" Freddie looked at her carefully.

"I don't care," She shook her head. "I want to try it."

She looked at the doctor. "When can I start?"

"Today," the Doctor said.

Freddie was still trying to wrap his head around it when he was led to a waiting room by a nurse.

/

Freddie looked at his watch for what must have been the thousandth time. He had been waiting in the room for the past four hours, shifting from an uncomfortable chair, to pacing the room, and back to the chair again.

"Freddie?"

He looked up to see Sam in the doorway, looking pale and shaky.

"Sam,"

"Can we go home now?" She interrupted, her eyes teary.

Freddie nodded, and he put his arm around Sam. "Of course."

/

Sam was throwing her guts up when the doorbell rang, and Freddie was rubbing her shoulders, and holding back her hair, trying to help.

"Go get it," She whispered. "I'll be fine."

Freddie nodded, and he walked out of the bathroom, and too the front door. As he did so, he was deep in thought.

He hated to see Sam feeling so terrible, but it was worth it, however horrible it sounded. If Sam got better, it would be worth it.

"Freddie!" A very pregnant Carly squealed, hugging him tightly. "I come bearing food! Where's Sam?"

"She's uh, not feeling very well."

"Oh my god." Carly looked at him. "Is Sam pregnant?"

Freddie choked. "N-no, she's just not feeling well."

"What's wrong?" Carly's face fell.

Freddie didn't know how to answer. He didn't want to lie to his best friend, but he didn't want to be the one to tell her, either.

"I'm fine," Sam's voice came from behind her. "It must be a vomiting bug or something. That, or I ate something bad."

Carly looked relieved. "That's good then. I have food, though you mightn't want to eat it, but I have a DVD too, that rom-com we wanted to see last year, but I was in labour at the time? I'll go put it on."

"Why didn't you tell her?" Freddie asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Not yet," Sam said simply, and taking Freddie's hand in her own, she pulled him towards the living room.

They joined Carly, who was wedged in an armchair, in the sitting room. Freddie sat on the couch, and to his surprise Sam sat between his legs, her head resting on his chest.

It wasn't the position that surprised him. It was how natural it all felt that surprised him the most.

/

**Authors Note: **Perhaps I should have forewarned you that this story wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows.. Then again, it would have ruined the storyline..

Anyway, thank you all for your wonderful reviews :3


	7. Six

**Six.**

Sam had gone for her second treatment that afternoon, and just like the first, she had come out of it shaky, pale and close to tears.

This time however, she didn't puke her guts up as soon as Freddie helped her through the front door of the apartment.

Freddie wasn't sure if that was a good, or a bad thing, but he decided to take it as a good thing. Not vomiting up everything you've eaten that week had to be something close to good.

"Do you want something to eat?" He inquired, putting her bag on the table.

Sam, who had just sat down on the couch, her feet curled underneath her, shook her head. "Can I just have a glass of water, please?"

That had to be another of the side effect's kicking in, because Sam never refused food, never.

Freddie obliged, and joined her on the couch, handing her a glass of cool water as he did so.

"Thank you," She said, taking a sip. "Do you have to go to work today?"

Freddie shook his head. "I'm going to work from home, later on."

He and Carter owned the company, so Freddie's working from home wasn't such a big problem. Carter was well able to sort out anything that might go wrong in Freddie's absence, and even if he couldn't, all he'd have to do is ring.

Sam herself had been calling in sick the past few days. There was two sessions of this treatment, and they'd be going back to the hospital on Friday to get the results.

The blonde woman took the control from Freddie's hands, and flicked through the channels until she landed on something she wanted to watch. Both of them loved movies, and they had a package for their cable that included what must have been twenty channels dedicated to movies, and movies alone.

They sat like that for most of the movie, an occasional laugh, or cough breaking the calm silence of the apartment.

That was until Sam suddenly spoke. "Freddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Freddie, I can't feel my feet." Her voice was close to hysterical.

"Its okay, its okay." He reassured her. "The doctor said this was a side effect, right?"

Sam nodded, but she still looked panicked.

Freddie grabbed his phone, and looked for the number he'd saved only days before. Doctor Long had given him a number in case any of the side effects wouldn't go away, or if they didn't know what to do about them.

Freddie could deal with vomiting, he could deal with Sam not wanting to eat, but he had no idea how to deal with the fact she could not feel her feet.

"Doctor Long?" He said in the phone. "Its Freddie Benson."

"_Mr Benson," _The Doctor's voice buzzed down the line. _"What's the problem?"_

"Sam can't feel her feet," Freddie explained. "What am I supposed to do?"

"_There's not a lot you can do. Rub them, and try get the circulation going, that should help. If the numbness isn't gone in a few hours, ring me again."_

"Thanks Doctor," Freddie nodded, and tossed him phone to the side. "Looks like your getting a foot rub,"

Sam, through her fear, had to smile as Freddie knelt on the floor, and took her small feet in his hands.

Freddie's hand's were big, warm and slightly calloused from his regular workout's at the gym, and the odd jobs he did around the apartment, fixing things. They were comforting hands, and Sam doubted anyone would refuse a foot rub from such brilliant hands.

He ran his fingers over her heels, pushing gently at her soles. "Any better?" He inquired after a few minutes.

"Sort of," Sam nodded. She was starting to regain feeling in her feet, the numbness fading.

Freddie continued rubbing her feet for a few more minutes, until Sam stopped him.

"Thank you," She said quietly. "I'm okay again."

But as Freddie sat back down on the couch, a little closer to her than before, he could see in her eyes she wasn't okay, not really.

Without a word of explanation, Freddie put his arms around her.

He liked Sam, in fact he liked her a lot. Up until that point, he never really knew just how much he liked her. It hit him like a ton of bricks there and then when he realized he couldn't see a future without Sam there.

Not anymore.

/

Sam woke up, and immediately noticed that Freddie's arms were wrapped around her, gently as though she would break.

Them sharing a bed was nothing out of the ordinary. On nights when their group of friends got a bit wild, they would return to one of their apartments, and pass out on the same bed.

Personal space was non-existent when it came to Sam and Freddie, but cuddling was new. Usually they kept to their own side of the bed, arms, legs and everything else to themselves.

Sam wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but she liked it. The feeling of his warm arms holding her tightly to his chest was comforting.

"Morning," She said, nudging him slightly.

As Freddie woke, he felt a rush of emotions. Namely, embarrassment for having slept with his arms around Sam, as if she were a teddy bear. Happiness was in there somewhere too, he was happy she hadn't punched him in the nose because he had done that.

"Want breakfast?" He inquired.

Sam shook her head. "I think we should talk."

"What about?"

"The weather," She rolled her eyes. "And whether or not these pyjamas bring out my eyes."

"They do," Freddie laughed. "Bring out your eyes I mean."

"You can be such a girl you know," Sam teased. Her face turned serious. "I mean it though Freddie, we should talk. We always said we would, but it's been what? Fifteen years?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"I don't know," Sam ran her hands through her blonde curls, swinging her legs out of bed, and sitting, facing the wall. "Do you ever think about it?"

Freddie took a breath before answering. "Only everyday."

"That much?" Sam turned around slightly.

Freddie nodded.

"Me too," Sam sighed. "I constantly wonder if we did the right thing,"

"I think we made the right decision," Freddie said. "Not necessarily the best one."

"Is it possible to miss someone you never knew?" Sam was looking at him properly now.

"I miss her too," Freddie said, and by using 'her', he broke fifteen years of silence.

"We gave our daughter up." Sam said, and she too broke fifteen years of silence on her part. "We gave her to total strangers, and I can't help but feel that we abandoned her, that we failed her."

Freddie shook his head. "We didn't abandon her Sam. We weren't even together, we had this whole friends with benefits thing going on, I was leaving for MIT in the fall, and you were going to San Diego. How is that any kind of life for a child?"

"I could have dropped out," Sam said, taking one of Freddie's hands in hers, and tracing patterns across his skin. "But it's not like either of us could raise a child, right?"

"We both had fucked up childhoods," Freddie agreed. "My dad was abusive Sam, what if I had turned out the same as him?"

"You wouldn't have," Sam said, before Freddie interrupted her.

"Maybe," He shrugged. "And I hate myself for believing that I could turn into my dad, and I hate myself for giving our girl up. But it's been fifteen years Sam, we can't do anything about it now."

"I wish we could turn back the clock," Sam sighed.

"Maybe it's better we can't." Freddie pondered. "She probably has an awesome life, in a two up, two down in the suburbs, with white picket fences,"

"And a big dopey dog," Sam smiled. "And a brother, and a sister."

"And parents," Freddie said. "Real parents, parents that can take care of a kid. We could barely take care of ourselves back then."

"I still hate myself for doing it," Sam said, looking at the striped bed covers they were sitting on.

"Me too," Freddie cupped her face in his hands. "But, I bet she had the best childhood, a childhood we could never have given her. That's the only thing that's let me come to terms with everything."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and in that moment there wasn't two people in the world that could have been closer.

/

**Authors Note: **So, we know what happened in senior year now. Not that I didn't know all along!

I don't know anything about American television packages, so please excuse me if its totally unrealistic. I'm just going off the kind of ones we have here xD

I'm really enjoying writing this, I literally have not stopped since I got the idea. Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews, you are all wonderful people, and I'd really like to hug you all :3

I have to go study now, but knowing me and my obsession for this story, there'll probably be an update tonight sometime!


	8. Seven

**Seven.**

Sam sat on the bed, swinging her legs back and forth. Even at thirty four, the prospect of sitting on a bed that was higher than most brought out the kid in her.

She studied her suede heels, which were a stone grey colour. She had developed a love for heels as she hit twenty five, and they were a major part of her wardrobe now.

Freddie patted her leg reassuringly. They were in the hospital, awaiting the results of Sam's treatment.

Sam gave him a small smile, and they continued to sit in silence, a nervous silence.

The door to the room suddenly opened, and Doctor Long walked in, holding a chart. Her expression was emotionless as she gestured for Freddie to sit down too.

Freddie obliged, and sat in one of the chairs. He first thought was that it must be a standard for all hospitals, and all rooms in hospitals to be uncomfortable.

"Mr and Mrs Benson," She finally greeted.

There was another pause as she flicked through the chart. After a few seconds, she snapped it shut, and placed it on her lap, looking at them both intently.

"There's no easy way to say this," She began. "But the treatment didn't work."

"You can try something else though, right?" Freddie interjected before anyone else could speak, fear rising in his chest.

Doctor Long shook her head. "I'm sorry, but this was your last chance Sam. There's nothing more we can do, I'm sorry."

"You mean," Sam's voice was shaking. "I'm going to die?"

The doctor didn't reply, but her silence was enough to tell Sam and Freddie that yes, she was going to die.

"Oh god," Sam said, and she burst into hysteric sobs. Freddie immediately leapt to her side, and took her in his arms.

Freddie himself was shell shocked. Death was never a word he thought he'd ever have to associate with Sam, not now, not ever.

Sam's wails broke any words she might have been trying to say into a jumbled mush, but Freddie caught the general idea.

_I don't want to die Freddie._

/

Freddie sighed as he phone rang for what felt like the millionth time. He was going to ignore it, but Sam whispered a 'go answer it,' and Freddie left the room, heading for the hospital entrance.

"Hello?" He sighed.

"_Thank god you answered! I was about to hang up, again. I've been ringing you all afternoon! Where are you and Sam?"_

Carly sounded as if she were having a panic attack.

"We're at the hospital Carly,"

"_WHAT? What's wrong Freddie? Are you sick? Is Sam sick? What hospital are you in? I'm coming down right now!"_

"Calm down Carly," He said, trying to sound calm himself. It was impossible, really, and if Carly had been paying close attention she would have noticed the tremor in his voice.

"_You just told me you were in the hospital! How am I supposed to feel CALM?"_

Freddie did not want to deal with one of Carly's freak outs right now.

"I have to go," He said into the phone. "I'll call you later."

"_Wait, Freddie-"_

He didn't bother waiting for her to finish speaking, he just hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket.

Freddie noticed a bench, and he plopped down on it, his head in his hands.

"You okay?"

He looked up to see a woman with dark brown hair sit down next to him.

Freddie looked at her with teary eyes, not bothering to make up some kind of lie. "Not really," He sighed.

"It helps to talk about things," She said pointedly when he didn't continue.

"I got married a month ago," Freddie explained. "And I've just found out my wife has terminal cancer."

"I'm sorry," She said, squeezing his shoulder. "I know how it feels.

Freddie looked at her.

"My husband," She explained. "He's got cancer too. He's still getting treatments, but the isn't much hope at this stage."

"I'm sorry," Freddie said quietly. "It sucks, doesn't it?"

"More than sucks," She sighed. "You think you're going to spend forever with someone, and it turns out you only get a few years. Months even. That doesn't suck, that's fucked up."

"Yeah," Freddie nodded in agreement. "You think that you're going to get to raise a kid, buy a house, and actually have a life. Instead, you get cancer."

"Cancer," She sighed. "What a terrible word."

"I don't think terrible even covers it," He said, rubbing his palms together. "I have no idea what to do."

"I think all we can do is be there," She pondered. "No matter how much it hurts."

Freddie nodded. "I should get back,"

"Of course," The stranger said. "I'm Emily by the way. Emily Carmichael."

He shook the hand she offered him. "Freddie, Freddie Benson."

He turned to leave, and he and Emily exchanged a smile, not a happy smile, more of I hope you get through this smile. Anything but a happy one, because each of them had a sadness in their eyes, a sadness that wasn't going to go away, not anytime soon.

/

Sam and Freddie were sitting across from each other at their kitchen table when the doorbell rang. Neither of them knew what to say, how to react.

Sam had been told of the possibility her cancer was terminal, but now that it had been said, that it was true, she didn't know what to do.

"I'll get it." Freddie said, standing up, the noise of his chair scraping backwards sounding something close to horrific in the tense silence.

He opened the door to find an irate Carly, standing hands on hips.

"You hung up on me!" She almost screamed. "I want to know what is wrong. No more secrets Freddie Benson!"

She stormed past him, and into the kitchen.

"Sam," She sounded almost angry as she saw her best friend sitting at the table.

When she saw the tear tracks on her face, and the tears that had been silently spilling for a while now, and looked back to Freddie, who's own eyes were red from crying, she stopped.

"W-what's happened?" Carly asked quietly.

No one answered.

"Please guys," Carly pleaded. "Tell me what's happened."

"I've got c-cancer." Sam said after an aching silence. "I've got terminal cancer."

Carly looked from her, to Freddie and back again for what felt like forever, before moving from her statue like position.

Her swelled belly was an obstacle, but somehow she managed to get her arms around Sam, feeling the blonde woman's tears soak into her t-shirt.

As Freddie stood to the side, he couldn't help but be reminded of the first time he'd ever seen Sam cry.

She was in Carly's arms back then too, but back then she was crying because of how much her job sucked. And Freddie couldn't help but wish that was all she was crying over now.

/

**Author's Note: **Even though this entire chapter was the point I wanted to get to, it was where I got the idea or this story, and I don't want to upload it. At all. Ever.

But, I will.

I hope you.. Well, I wont say enjoyed. I hope you liked this chapter? Yeah.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews :3 I'll aim for another update tomorrow, but no promises. I can't promise any updates during the week because of school, but I can promise I'll try my best!

Again, reviews are love!


	9. Eight

_**Eight.**_

"_Freddie…"_

_Their arms and legs were tangled, so much the only way you could tell who was who was the stakr contrast of their skin colours, the pale white of Sam's skin, and the light tan of Freddie's._

"_Freddie.."_

_Hands ran over skin, the contact sending electric shocks through them. The g__ood kind of electricity, of course._

"_Freddie.."_

_Red, swollen lips attacking each other, never ceasing their relentless attempt to be in control._

"_Freddie, I'm pregnant."_

Sam sat bolt upright, her chest heaving. She could have sworn that she was back in senior year, she would have bet anything that her dream, no that nightmare was the real deal.

"Sam?" Freddie's sleepy voice said, concerned. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," She shook her head. She tried her best to sound convincing, but Sam knew that the tremor in her voice was easily heard.

She felt the bed shift, and Freddie put his arms around her- as if they were a real couple.

"It was just a nightmare," Sam said in answer to his silent question.

"Want to talk about it?"

Sam shook her head, and for a few minutes they just sat there.

"What are we doing?" Sam asked quietly.

"Sitting?" Freddie raised an eyebrow.

"No, I mean.." Sam thought about how she was going to say this. "This whole 'experiment' thing."

"Its an experiment, isn't it?" Freddie replied, his chin on her bare shoulder.

"I guess," Sam pondered, her eyes still on the wall. They lapsed into silence again.

"You know the way I said I'd never been in love before?" Freddie said.

Mm-hm?"

"I lied." Freddie said bluntly. "I have been in love before; I still am actually."

"With who?"

"You." He whispered, making eye contact with her. "I've loved you for a long time now, but there never seemed to be a right time to say it."

"I love you to." Sam stood up suddenly, and moved away from him.

"What's wrong?" Freddie looked confused. Hadn't they just admitted the fact they loved each other? That they'd always loved each other?

He couldn't understand why she was walking away from him; in fact he was a little hurt. Was it one of those moments when the words 'I love you,' were going to be followed with those fateful words, 'but just as a friend.'

That had happened too many times to Freddie. Not necessarily with 'I love you,' because if he thought about it, Sam was the only girl he'd ever said that too, but with any move he made on a girl.

He seemed to be best friend material to everyone, and he couldn't take it if Sam was the same. He loved her damn it, and not as a friend, a sister. Freddie loved her because she was his soul mate, however cheesy that was.

"Sam," Freddie said, his voice low, but somewhat harsh. "Do you love me?"

"Yes, I love you." Sam said, her back still turned. "I love you so much its drives me crazy sometimes. I love you, you have no idea how much I love you."

"I think I do," Freddie grinned slightly, despite the seriousness of the conversation. "If its anywhere near how much I love you that it."

"We are total screw ups Freddie, we wait until I'm dying until we profess our love for each other." Sam sighed, pacing. Her hands were wrapped around her upper torso, rubbing her arms as if she were cold.

"Better late than never," Freddie gave half a smile, standing up. He put his hands on her shoulders, and leaned in to kiss her. Only, his lips came in contact with the palm of Sam's hand instead of her lips.

"What?" He searched her face for a clue as to what was wrong. "Don't you want this?"

Sam shook her head. "Don't, don't make me dying any harder on you than it had to be."

"Regardless of whether or not I kiss you," Freddie replied, taking her hands in his, intertwining their fingers. "Its going to be impossibly hard."

"But-"

"Sam, please don't argue." He interrupted. "This got a million times harder the day I married you."

He thought to himself before he continued. "It was always going to be impossible because I love you. I've been in love with you since we were fifteen, and I've never stopped loving you since."

"Feelings," Sam sighed heavily. "They fuck everything up."

"They also have a way of making everything better." Freddie countered, a smile that seemed to be reserved for Sam, and Sam alone appearing on his face. It was a secretive smile, an almost flirty smile.

A smile that belonged to Sam, just like his heart had always been.

She left her hand drop to her side, and her lips came in contact with Freddie's. It wasn't the hungry kind of kisses they'd shared in Hawaii, or the heated ones they'd shared back at the start of senior year.

It was the same kind of kiss they'd shared before they'd found out Sam was pregnant, it was a kiss filled with feeling, the same feelings that had scared them away from each other.

It was a kiss that was filled with love, real love.

/

Sam sat in her bosses office, her hands twisting in her lap.

"Samantha," Mr Henry. The man was well into his fifties, and owned the entire building. He was incredibly successful, but Sam, in the loved up daze she was in following the events of the previous night, couldn't help but notice that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

It must be lonely, not to have someone to spend the rest of your life with, share all the success with.

Even as Sam thought it, she felt her heart sink to her shoes. She didn't have the rest of her life with Freddie.

"May I ask why you are quitting? You're a very promising young woman," He inquired.

"The truth is sir," Sam decided to be honest, and just come out with it. No use in beating about the bush, right? "I'm sick. I've got terminal cancer, and I don't want to spend the last few months of my life in an office."

Mr Henry, just like always, remained emotionless. "Of course,"

"Thank you sir, for all the opportunities you've given me." Sam said, standing up. "I really appreciate everything."

"You've been a pleasure to have working for me," He said, shaking her hand. "Good luck with everything Samantha."

Sam nodded, and left his office.

She walked down the hallway, looking out of place in her blue jeans and leather jacket, and she tossed everyone a smile.

Even though she was walking away from the only bit of normality left in her life, she didn't care. She felt freer than she'd felt in years.

God, she'd hated that job.

/

**Author's Note: **Hello again! Sorry for the lack of updates this week, but like I said, I'm in an exam year. School's been hectic, I've literally done nothing but do school work, sleep and eat. And watch a lot of All Saints. I love that show, it's amazing. But yeah, a bit too tired to attempt fully finishing this chapter, which has been open on my laptop since Sunday.

Anyway, thank you all so much for the incredible reviews! I can't believe how many are there, you're all amazing people for having stuck with me on this!

I'll do my best to update a good bit this weekend, because next week will be the same with the amount of schoolwork.. Even more in fact, my mocks/pres are in three weeks. Eeep.

As always, reviews are love!


	10. Nine

**Nine.**

Freddie was standing at the coffee machine when he heard someone call his name.

"Freddie?"

He turned around, and saw Emily, the woman he had met outside the hospital standing beside him.

"Emily," Freddie had a warm smile on his face. "How've you been?"

"Okay, I guess." She said. "My husband's cancer is terminal, we were told for definite a couple of weeks ago."

"I'm sorry,"

Emily shrugged. "You're going through the same thing. How is your wife?"

"Sam's holding up pretty well actually," Freddie said. "She quit her job and she's decided she's going to everything she's ever wanted to do in the next few months,"

"James seems to want to keep everything normal," Emily said. "I kind of wish he'd quit work, but he's a stubborn man, and I have to respect what he wants, right? I'm not the one with terminal cancer."

"Its not like its easy for us though," Freddie said, as they began to walk down the corridor.

"No, it's not." Emily sighed. "At least we can talk to each other about it, right? We understand what's going on."

Freddie had an idea. "Here," fishing his cell phone out of his pocket, he handed to her. "Put your number in. I doubt these chance meetings will be regular,"

"And sometimes we need someone who gets what this is like," Emily agreed, handing Freddie her phone.

"I'd better get back to Sam," Freddie said, taking his phone from Emily. "Call me though, anytime."

"Same for you," Emily nodded. "Its been good talking to you."

"You too," Freddie nodded, and returned the smile. He began to walk at a brisk pace, towards the room Sam was in with Doctor Long. She was dealing with all this really well, sending him away to get coffee as she discussed what was going to happen over the next few months with the doctor.

He thought he was more to stop him from freaking out rather than to keep him hydrated. Sam knew him all to well after all these years.

"Who was that?" Sam said, grinning, from where she sat on a blue hospital chair in the corridor.

"Emily," Freddie replied.

"Already found someone else?" She teased, raising an eyebrow.

Freddie however didn't see the funny side. "I, you, what- don't say things like that!" He spluttered.

"Alright Mr Sensitive," Sam rolled her eyes. She stood up and did something rather un-Sam like. She slipped her hand into Freddie's, and gently pulled him to the door. She didn't let go as they approached the door, she held on just as tightly.

And Freddie liked that.

"Her husband is ill too," He explained. "We're going to keep in contact and stuff."

"Good," Sam nodded. "You need more friends."Freddie pretended to be offended. "I have plenty of friends, excuse your cheek Mrs Benson!"

"Hmm.." Sam pondered. "To be honest, _Mr Benson_, you really don't."

"Is that true?"

They were standing face to face now, their grins almost equal.

"I think so," Sam said.

"Is it really?"

"Mm-hm,"

Freddie reached out, and gently began to tickle her, just beneath her ribs. That was where she was most ticklish.

"Still true?" He inquired as Sam let out breathless giggles.

"Y-yeah," She laughed. "It's true."

Freddie continued to tickle her furiously, and eventually it became too much for the blonde haired woman.

"Okay, okay," She laughed. "I give up!"

"Good," Freddie grinned. He leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to her lips. His boldness shocked him a little, because he couldn't actually remember the last time he'd kissed Sam, in public, willingly.

So much of their friendship, relationship, whatever you could call it, had been in secret. This, this was a nice change.

As they kissed, Freddie felt a wave of utter happiness rush over him. Deep inside, he knew this was exactly where he needed to be, wanted to be.

He didn't have forever with Sam, but he had here and now, right?

/

"Carl-y!" Sam yelled, letting herself into her best friends apartment. "Where are you my balloon like friend?"

"I'm coming!" Carly's voice sounded distant.

"You could tell me where you are," Sam hung her jacket over the banister, and spoke again. "I can walk faster than you."

"Here I am," Carly puffed. She tried to hug Sam, but her stomach got in the way. Sam settled for kissing her friend on the cheek.

"Feed me," Sam demanded.

"You never change," Carly rolled her eyes. She led her into the kitchen where Sonia, Carly's four year old daughter sat, doodling all over sheets of paper, and a large majority of the pinewood table.

"Hey Sonny," Sam greeted, crouching beside the girls chair. She and Freddie always called Sonia, Sonny, much to Carly's exasperation. She had given up being annoyed about it, and just put up with it.

"Auntie Sam!" Sonia grinned gap-toothedly at Sam. She stretched out her crayon covered hands, and Sam picked her up, swinging her around the kitchen.

Sonia was the one kid Sam felt totally comfortable around, and in return Sonia loved her 'Auntie Sam' to pieces.

Sam sat drawing with Sonia as Carly made them lunch.

"So," Carly said. "How are things?"

"I'm fine Carls." Sam replied, seeing through the thinly veiled question. "I feel fine."

"And how are you and Freddie?" Carly inquired.

"Better than ever, actually." Sam nodded. "We drove to the beach at the weekend, and camped out in the car. It was like being a teenager all over again,"

"If I went, I would have Sonia, her mass amounts of luggage, my mood swings and need for huge amounts of chocolate." Carly rolled her eyes. "Why did I ever decide to settle down again?"

"You've always been perfect mother material," Sam retorted.

Carly wanted to say that Sam was too, but she felt that it would be a little tactless. Even if Sam hadn't given her first child up for adoption, the fact she was terminally ill prevented any chance of her having a family.

As she thought to herself, tears began to form in her eyes at the prospect of Sam not being around forever.

She didn't realize her tears were pouring into the pasta salad she was making until Sam asked why she was sobbing.

Looking around, she saw Sam, a glob of paint on her nose, looking perfectly happily. And Carly couldn't say that she was the cause of her tears, her illness was the cause of the tears.

"I have no idea," Carly made an effort to sound hysterical. "Its this being pregnant then. It makes me so over emotional!"

Sam laughed. "You were always over emotional Carls,"

Carly tried to crack a smile as she set the tear flavoured lunch on the table. And that's how she felt all that afternoon, forced, hidden behind a mask. Sam had enough to deal with, and Carly's sadness at loosing her when she was still alive was too stupid, too insignificant to mention.

It was only when Sam was about to leave when everything came crashing out.

"Carly," She said quietly, zipping up her leather jacket. "I love you, you know that? You're like my sister."

"You are my sister," Carly returned, just as quietly.

"Its okay to be sad about this," Sam said. "I know you are. You all are, and you just try hide it. Freddie sits in his car and cries sometimes, because he doesn't want me to see he's upset. And I know you probably to something just like it,"

"I-I don't know what I'll do without you!" Carly burst out, and broke into sobs. This time, when Sam reached out to hug her, the swollen stomach of her best friend was ignored, and she gave her a fierce hug, albeit an awkward one.

Sam rubbed her back, her heart sinking to the bottom of her boots. She hated what this stupid illness was doing to everyone she loved.

They didn't deserve that, none of it.

"Neither do you," Carly whispered quietly.

It was only then that Sam realized she had said everything out loud, and not in her head as she had initially thought.

Carly repeated her earlier statement. "You don't deserve any of this,"

/

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the gap between updates, but its two weeks to the pres, and the pressure is starting to build. That, and the fact I basically hit a brick wall with this chapter.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing we're coming into the home strech of this story so to speak. There isn't actually a lot more left to be written, seeing as I have the ending on my laptop waiting to be uploaded..

Anyway, thank you for all the reviews, alerts, favourites and thanks for simply reading this! You are all simply fantastic!

I'll update a lot more this weekend, hopefully at least, and there's a distinct possibility this story will be finished within the next week. I don't want to finish it, I've been enjoying writing this!

But, all things come to an end. Like this authors note for example.

Reviews are love! :3


	11. Ten

**Ten.**

"Have you got any eights?" Freddie asked, and as Sam looked at the cards in her hand, Freddie looked at her carefully.

She had her short blond hair gathered up in a ponytail, her bangs falling across her forehead, a few loose curls framing her face. He always felt like reaching out and brushing them away whenever they were like that, but it would probably drive Sam insane.

Even though she was ill, Sam was radiant, to say the least. She was wearing a pair of check pyjama bottoms, and an old t-shirt of Freddie's that suited her far better.

She was wearing her old charm bracelet too, one that Freddie had gotten Sam for her birthday years ago. Every little charm meant something to just the two of them, even if they didn't realise it at the time.

There was the little fat cake, an obvious one, really. Sam really, really loved fat cakes. The deckchair was one only they understood, it referred to their first kiss on the fire escape- Freddie had been sitting on a deck chair.

A tiny spoon, fork and knife hung from the bracelet too, again showing Sam's love for food. The tiny sunglasses charm Freddie had bought when they went on a road trip in their senior year, during spring break.

That, had been an awesome week.

Freddie's favourite charm however, was the purple heart that hung from the bracelet. The heart Freddie had bought, and he had never told Sam why he had gotten it for her.

He assumed she'd figured it out at this stage, the heart was because he loved her. He'd always loved her.

"Go fish," Sam finally replied.

Freddie picked up a card from the pile that was in the middle of their bed. They were only playing cards because there'd been a blackout, and the film they'd been watching had gone off because of it.

While searching for candles, Sam had stumbled across a pack of cards, and so they had started to play 'go fish.'

"I think you should find her," Sam said quietly, out of nowhere. "After I'm gone."

"Find who?"

"Our daughter Freddie," Sam said, as if it was obvious. "You should find her."

As she said it, Freddie's mind turned back to senior year. From the get go, neither of them had any intention of keeping their daughter. Neither of them felt like they could raise a child.

They both came from broken homes; Sam never knew her dad, Freddie's had walked out when he was a year or two old. Sam didn't have anything close to a relationship with her mom, and while Freddie did, the relationship couldn't be called normal.

They didn't know what family life was like, and they were afraid they would mess up the kid as much as they'd been affected by their parents.

And the money aspect. Freddie worked three days a week in an electronics store, Sam worked part time in a diner. Their wages went towards college, and clothes, and the money barely covered it.

They gave her up for adoption as soon as she was born. Sam refused to hold her, and Freddie had looked in on her once. Just once.

"Why wait until after you're gone?" Freddie inquired. "Why can't we find her now?"

"Because I'm dying," Sam said bluntly. "And I don't want to risk her getting attached to me, because I'm not going to be sticking around."

"But she'd be sixteen or so now," Freddie said. "She's be okay with it."

"Could you handle death at sixteen?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

Now that she said it, Freddie understood her point. He'd cried when his fish died when he was sixteen. The pain of loosing a mother you'd only begun to know would be unbearable for anyone, especially a child.

"What if she doesn't want to know me?" Freddie said after a silence.

"You'll never know until you try," Sam shrugged. "Plus, who wouldn't want to know their dad? I mean, I still want to, even after all these years."

"Mm," Freddie pondered. He'd like to know his dad too, in all honesty.

"Promise me you'll try find her," Sam said, reaching out and intertwining her fingers with Freddie's. "After I'm gone? Promise me you will Freddie."

"I'll try," Freddie nodded.

"Promise?"

Hesitantly, Freddie replied. "Promise."

Sam leaned over to kiss him, and as their lips connected, the lights began to flicker on.

Freddie couldn't help but grin to himself. He and Sam, they had sparks. They were magic, really.

/

Freddie woke up, his face in his pillow, and his bare shoulders cold. He sat up, bleary eyed, and found that the bed was empty, aside from him.

"Sam?" He said, his voice cracking.

Running his hands through his hair, Freddie swung his legs out of bed, and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Sam?" He called again. There was no answer.

He padded barefoot around the apartment, but his wife was nowhere to be seen. Freddie grabbed his cell phone from the counter, and dialled her number.

No answer, it went straight to voicemail. He tried a few more times, but the result was always the same; no answer.

Freddie scrolled through his contacts, and dialled Carly.

"Hey Carls," He greeted.

"_Hey Freddie! What's up?"_

"Do you know where Sam is?" Freddie inquired. "She's not in the apartment, and she isn't answering her cell."

"_She's not here," _Carly's tone had become worried. _"I'll help you look for her-"_

"No, no Carls," Freddie interrupted her. His best friend was eight months pregnant, and could barely walk she was so huge. "Its fine. I think I know where she is, anyway."

"_Call me as soon as you find her," _Carly demanded. _"Or I will go out and look for you both. And proceed to beat you senseless,"_

"I will," Freddie said, laughing slightly at the image of a very pregnant Carly waddling after he and Sam, trying to beat them up. "Bye,"

"_Bye Freddie."_

Freddie grabbed a jacket, and put on a pair of jeans, before sticking his feet in shoes, and grabbing his keys. He wasn't planning on driving, because if Sam was where he thought she was, it wouldn't take him long to get there.

He walked down the sidewalk, alone with his thoughts for the first time in a while. If he wasn't with Sam, he was working hard to keep his mind off everything that was happening.

In all honestly, he wasn't dealing with it. He had to face the fact Sam had six months, a year to live, and Freddie hadn't done that yet. He was still clinging onto the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, Sam would be okay.

Freddie arrived at Bushwell Plaza, the place where he'd grown up, and went straight to the fire escape. He wouldn't call himself a sentimental person, and Sam certainly wasn't, but this place, it meant a lot to them both.

"Sam?" Freddie said, tapping on the glass. Sam was sitting on the stairwell, her head buried in her hands. "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

She didn't answer.

"Sam," Freddie pleaded. "Talk to me. Please,"

"Everyone thinks I'm okay with dying," Sam said. "But I'm not! There's so much I wanted to do with my life, so many places I wanted to go. I wanted to know our daughter, I wanted more kids. I wanted to have a career, grow old and have actually lived. I don't get ay of that Freddie, I get to hit thirty four and have just months to live."

She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. "What did I do to deserve this? I never did anything terrible, I paid back all the money for the stuff I stole when we were kids. I tried to make my self a better person, and this is what I get? Terminal illness?"

"It isn't your fault Sam," Freddie began.

"I just want to have something to look forward too!" Sam burst into tears. "I just want to wake up every morning, and not wonder if this is the last time I'll ever hear your really annoying alarm clock go off, the last time I'll get to a sun rise."

She slid down the wall, her head in her hands. "I hate this, I hate this, I hate this."

It sounded like a mantra as she repeated it over and over again.

"Sam," Freddie said. "Sam, look at me." He repeated firmly.

She looked at him, with tear stained cheeks and sobs racking her body.

"This is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this, and I never want to hear you say something like that, ever again."

Freddie pulled her close to him, her sobs vibrating against his body. "Never say that again," He repeated. "Never."

/

**Author's Note: **Oh look here, an update, and its not even the weekend. Thank goodness for half days and inspirational music!

Its mid term next week, and although my pre's/mocks start the week after mid term, and I'll be studying a lot, I'll have more time to update. Possibly finish this, actually.

I don't have much else to say, so I'll stop rambling! Thanks so much for the reviews, alerts, favourites, everything, and as always, reviews are love :3


	12. Eleven

**Eleven.**

Freddie sat in his office, staring at the screen blankly. He should be working, but his mind wasn't on computer software. It was of Sam, and he had left his wife weaker than she'd ever been.

Sam was getting sicker, and there wasn't any doubt about it.

"Freddie," Carter knocked on the glass of the door, and let himself into the office. "How you doing man?"

"Crap," Freddie sighed. "But I don't know why I'm complaining. I'm not the one who's sick after all,"

"Still," Carter sat into a chair with a contented sigh. "You have to watch Sam go through this. Its not easy, obviously."

Freddie didn't reply, he simply clicked his pen. Repeatedly.

It took everything Carter had not to reach out and snap the darn thing in two, but somehow, he stopped himself.

"Do you want to go home Freddie?" He inquired instead. "I can deal with everything here."

Freddie shook his head. "Sam made me go to work today. She says I'm making her feel like an invalid hanging around all the time."

Carter was about to reply when Freddie continued.

"Not that she isn't an invalid, I mean she had terminal cancer," He rambled. "That's being pretty sick. And I want to spend as much time with her as I can, but if I crowd her, she's just going to get upset and push me away like she always does, and, and,"

"Woah," Carter held his hands up. "Woah. I'm sorry man, I did not understand a word of that. Take a breath, and calm down, okay?"

"How am I supposed to calm down?" Freddie's voice was harsh. "My wife is **dying **Carter. I can't fucking calm down!"

Carter realised he'd said the complete wrong thing. "Look, all I meant was-"

"I know," Freddie buried his head in his hands. "I know, you're just trying to help- and you are helping. It's just that,"

"What?" Carter prodded.

"I've been in love with Sam since we were fifteen," Freddie sighed. "And now, I finally have her, and she's dying. Its not fair,"

"Life doesn't always turn out like we planned," Carter shrugged. "Its like they say, even the best laid plans,"

"Of mice and men often go awry." Freddie finished. That line had never been so relevant.

"Exactly." Carter nodded. "You don't have to like it, hell you can't possibly like it, but this is what's happening to Sam, and despite everything you're doing Freddie, you can't save her man."

"I'd give anything to save her," Freddie said, his voice quiet and quivering.

"I know," Carter stood, and squeezed his shoulder. He hated what was happening, what this was doing to his best friend. He himself would like to take all the pain, the suffering away from the couple.

Its not often you find two people that were simply made to be, and Sam and Freddie were one of those couples that really were two halves of a whole.

And that, that scared him. Was Freddie going to be half a person after Sam died? Carter didn't doubt it.

"Go home," Carter ordered. "Go for a walk, go chase a dog. Just get out of here Freddie, you're not cut out to be at work today."

Freddie nodded. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

Carter gave him a serious look. "Ask me one more time, and I'll kick you. Now, get out of here,"

He passed Freddie his bag, and pushed him towards the door.

Freddie took it gratefully, glad of the fact he had a friend like Carter. And the fact they co-owned the business; if this was a normal job, he'd more than likely have to stick it out, the strange feeling of tears that refused to come weighing heavily on him.

He walked out of the building, and into his car. Once upon a time, this car was his pride and joy. Now, now the dark colour reminded him of a hearse. Of death, and everything to do with it; something that had taken over his life.

Freddie dumped his bag on the passenger seat, and slotted the keys into the ignition. He didn't drive off however.

His feelings from the past few weeks suddenly overwhelmed him, and he put his head on the steering wheel, and cried. Salty tears fell on the pristine dashboard, on the steering wheel- and Freddie didn't care.

He just sat there, and cried. For the first time in his life, he didn't know what to do, where he was going. And he was terrified of the future.

Absolutely terrified.

/

"Its killing him Carly," Sam said to her best friend as they sat in a quiet coffee shop, having just met for lunch.

Carly didn't know how to reply. Her problems seemed insignificant in comparison to what her two best friends were going through. She was affected too, of course, but Sam and Freddie were a couple.

Soul mates, if you will. Carly couldn't bear to think of the pain Freddie was going through, knowing someday soon Sam would be gone, and Sam herself, knowing she would have to leave him.

The heavily pregnant brunette almost burst into tears at the thought of something this horrific ever happening to her and Derek.

"He thinks I don't notice, but he cries a lot." Sam continued. "I can't remember the last time he smiled, he's stressed out, barely eating. And he doesn't want to let me know just how badly he's taking all this, because he feels selfish."

"Selfish?"

Sam nodded. "Selfish that he's so upset, when I'm the one who's dying."

"It makes sense, in a way." Carly pondered. "I mean, he doesn't want to feel as if he's putting all this on you when you're so ill,"

"I love him," Sam said simply. "He's supposed to tell me these things."

"Talk to him then," Carly said.

A few more minutes of silence passed.

"I shouldn't have married him," Sam said, her eyes watering.

"What?" Carly's jaw almost hit the table. "You mean, you-"

"I knew I was sick before we got married, but I couldn't tell him." Sam nodded. Carly was good at figuring these things out. "I thought it'd be okay, y'know? I mean, it was just cancer back then. I only found out it was terminal a few months ago,"

"Freddie would have married you, regardless." Carly said, with a sad smile. "He's too in love with you to care."

"Maybe so," Sam suddenly felt as if she was about to pass out, and an overwhelming sensation of tiredness swept over her. "Is it okay if I go home Carls? I have a doctors appointment this afternoon, and I'm kind of tired."

Carly looked concerned, but nodded. "I'll walk back with you,"

"No," Sam shook her head. "Its okay. I need the alone time,"

She hugged her best friend tightly, and left the coffee shop. Carly wouldn't show it either, but Sam could see all of this was killing her best friend too. She just wished they'd open up to her.

/

"Freddie," Sam said as they walked, hand in hand across the hospital carpark. "Talk to me."

"I am talking to you," Freddie said, confused.

"No," Sam said. "You aren't. Stop trying to hide the fact you're upset about all this. Being all macho isn't helping me, its making me more worried. I need to know what your feeling,"

Freddie looked at the white hospital in the distance. "I don't know how I feel."

"Yes, you do." Sam said. "I've seen you crying Freddie. I know you're upset, everyone is. Please, just don't hide it from me."

Sam stopped walking, and turned him to face her. He looked away, but Sam grabbed his chin with surprising force, and brought it back to her. There was tears in Freddie's eyes, and they were threatening to spill out over the rims of his eyes.

"Not anymore," She said. "You are not keeping this all bottled up anymore."

And with that, she pressed a kiss to his lips, and she could taste the tears that had begun to roll down his face. And while she hated to see him cry, to have to put him through all this, she knew she'd gotten through to him.

Finally.

/

Sam and Freddie were sitting in an exam room, like they had been for the past hour and a half. They were both going stir crazy waiting for Doctor Long to come back, and Freddie was about to go see what the hold up was when the door swung open.

"Apologies for the wait," She began, looking at the files in her hand carefully. She sat down, and looked across at them both. "I'm afraid it isn't good news,"

Sam felt as though her heart had hit the floor. How could this get any worse?

"The cancer's spread," Doctor Long said. "Its spread to your lungs, and your colon."

Freddie could feel his hands shaking as the doctor spoke, and Sam seemed to have noticed too, as she took one of her hands in his.

"How long do I have now?" Sam inquired after a pause.

"Your optimism has been incredible," Doctor Long began. "I couldn't have asked for better-"

"How long?" Sam interrupted. Her voice had a hard edge to it.

"Its hard to know exactly," The doctor began, looking at them with a sad expression in her eyes.

"Best guess then," Sam demanded.

Doctor Long sighed. "Two or three weeks. A month at best,"

/

**Author's Note: **Yay, two updates in two days! I'm proud of myself. Well, I'm now on mid term, and aside from the need to study daily for my pre's, I should have more time to update.

And wow! There's over eighty reviews on this story, its kind of mad. Thank you as always for reading, reviewing, and generally supporting this story!

I think that's all I have to say.. Reviews are love :3


	13. Twelve

**Twelve.**

"Remember that?" Sam said, her finger on a photo that had been taken during their senior year. They were at the beach, and Freddie was fast asleep on the sand. It was no surprise really that Sam was in the midst of burying him up to his neck in the golden white sand.

The next photo, right next to it, was as Freddie woke up and realised what was happening. He had shot bolt upright, showering Sam with sand. The third photo was of Sam straddling Freddie, trying to shove sand in his face.

At the time, Freddie hadn't found it all that funny, but now, as he was sitting on his and Sam's bed, looking through their gigantic photo album, it was hilarious.

"And this," Freddie grinned, turning the page. It was their junior prom, and in defiance of the social norm, or as Sam put it, 'sticking it to the man,' he and Sam had both gone dateless.

Of course, they just ended up with each other for the entire night. The photo was of them dancing, and it was one of the rare moments from their junior year when they weren't trying to kill each other.

Gibby had taken the photo, seizing the moment apparently. Sam's hands were around Freddie's neck, one of them on his neck, one of them lifted slightly as if she was gesturing to something.

Freddie's hand's were resting on her waist, and Freddie could almost feel the silky purple material between his fingers as they looked at the photo. Neither of them knew it then, but that was the start of well, everything.

Just like in a cheesy click flick, they had sex that night. How cliché, for two people who really weren't predicable, at all.

They had been sitting there for hours, after Sam had found the old album in the back of one of Freddie's cupboards. He had been more than happy to look through it, but the fact Sam was leaning heavily against him was what worried him.

She was a lot more tired lately. She had started to struggle to find the strength to lift a plate, a pot, a book. And it scared Freddie.

His cell phone began to buzz, and Freddie reached to get it. It was Carly.

"_Freddie," _Derek said down the phone. _"Carly's in labour. She wants you and Sam to come down as soon as,"_

The man sounded incredibly excited, and hey, who wouldn't be. Freddie wanted to be there for Carly and her ever growing family, but one look at Sam told him there was no way they'd be going to the hospital tonight.

"Thanks for telling us Derek," He said. "But Sam's a bit tired. Nothing to worry about, its just been a long day. We'll come see you first thing in the morning, 'kay man?"

"_No problem Freddie, I'll tell her,"_

"Good luck with everything," Freddie said, and hung up.

"What was that about?" Sam inquired, her words slow.

"Carly's gone into labour," He explained. "But you're tired, and I'm tired. We'll go see them in the morning, okay?"

He half expected her to argue, but she nodded instead.

"Mm.. That's a good idea." Sam nodded. "Plus, if it's anything like last time, Carly will still be in labour by the morning."

She pressed a kiss to his lips, a gentle one, and leaned back against his chest. The sheer force of having the weight of another human leaning on him forced Freddie back a little, into a comfortable position, an almost lying down position in fact.

"Freddie?" Sam's voice was weak, tired.

"Yeah Sam?" He said, running his fingers across the palms of her hands.

"I want you to promise me something," She began. "I want you to promise me that you'll try find her, that you'll try find our daughter."

"I-I will," Freddie nodded. "I'll find her Sam, I promise."

"Good," She said. They lapsed into silence again.

"You'll be okay," Sam said. "You'll be okay without me Freddie. I know you will. And it's not like I'm leaving you, I'll always be in your heart,"

Freddie couldn't reply. It was happening, wasn't it? It was happening.

"I love you Freddie," She said, her head lying on his chest. "I love you, I really love you."

"I love you too," Freddie couldn't help the tears that were forming in his eyes. He had dreaded this day for so many months, and now that it was here, everything he'd wanted to tell her had left his head.

"Promise me you'll be okay," Sam said quietly.

He knew that she couldn't go if he didn't promise. "I promise Sam, I'll be okay."

_Eventually_, he added in his head.

A few more moments of silence passed, and Freddie worked up the courage to speak again.

"You can go now Sam," He said, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't hold them back any longer. Somehow, he was managing to get the words out. He knew Sam couldn't leave him unless he let her. He wasn't ready, he would never be ready to let her go, but she was in pain. She was always in pain nowadays.

Freddie sniffed quietly, and spoke again, his voice thick. "You can go now if you're ready."

"Thank you," She breathed. "Fredweird."

And those, those were the last words Freddie ever heard Sam say. Her breathing slowed, and slowed, until eventually it stopped completely.

Freddie didn't know how long he sat there, cradling Sam in his arms, his tears soaking into her hair, willing her to come to life again. His heart wrenching sobs filled the apartment, the sound ringing in his ears and making his heart ache even more.

But, he must have stopped sometime, and blindly felt for the phone, because there was an ambulance crew in their apartment, and they were putting Sam, his beautiful, brilliant Sam's lifeless body on a stretcher.

And Freddie's entire world had come crashing down around him as he watched.

Right now, he felt as if he could never be okay again.

/

Carly looked up as the door opened. She had her still unnamed as of yet daughter in her arms, Derek by her side, and a sleeping Sonia curled up in a chair.

"Freddie!" She squealed, delighted that he was here earlier than he said he would be, and was about to ask where Sam was when she got a proper look at her best friend.

He was a mess, to put it nicely. His shirt was crumpled, his hair a mess, as if he'd been running his hands through it, his eyes were red from crying, tear tracks glistened on his cheeks and he looked as if he was going to cry again.

"Freddie?" She repeated quietly, but she didn't need to ask. She knew straight away that Sam had died.

She held it together long enough for Derek to gently take their daughter from her, but then she burst into hysterical sobs. She grabbed Freddie's hand, and pulled him in for a hug, his tears soaking through her hospital dressing gown.

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of Carly's life, but right then she felt nothing but pain.

It was ironic, in a sick and twisted kind of way, that as a new life entered the world, a cherished one left it.

/

Freddie was sitting, his eyes glazed, by Carly's bedside. They had both cried for god knows how long, the two best friends sharing the pain of the loss of Sam.

"Freddie," Carly said quietly. She once again had her new born daughter in her hands, but her face wasn't full of joy, it was tear stained and sad.

He looked at her, his sparkling green eyes dead.

"I'd like you to meet baby Sam," She said. She knew she didn't have to ask Derek, he would agree, and looking at his face he seemed glad.

"Sam?" Freddie's lip quivered.

"Sam Jameson," Carly nodded. She looked down at her daughter, her eyes swelling with tears. "And you sweetheart, meet Uncle Freddie."

Freddie held the tiny girl in his arms as if she would break, tears gently streaming down his face. There was a few tears of happiness in there too, because this little girl had been named for the most wonderful woman he'd ever meet.

And if you were named after Sam, you were going to be a character. A brilliant person, and Freddie knew that Carly's little girl would be just as cherished as Sam had been, if not more.

/

**Author's Note: **Well, here we are. This chapter has been writing for god knows how long, even before the rest of the story was written, and apart from a few tiny modifications, it hasn't changed.

This is, for all intensive purposes, the end of the story. There's one last chapter, epilogue of sorts I suppose, but this is kind of it.

Thank you all so, so much for your incredible reviews. I wont be able to reply to them all, but I'll try do some from the last few chapters! To **Bacon** however, my amazing anonymous reviewer I can't reply to, thank you. Thank you, thank you thank you. Your review practically had me in tears (of happiness mind you,) it was just so lovely, and awesome.

So yes. I hope you.. I wont say enjoyed. It might be a little weird to ask if you enjoyed this chapter so.. Reviews are love :3 And feel free to chase me with flaming torches because I've killed Sam..


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

_When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see,_

_If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me,_

_I know how much you love me,_

_As much as I love you, and each time that you think of me,_

_I know you'll miss me too._

_So when tomorrow starts without me,_

_Don't think we're far apart,_

_For every time you think of me,_

_I'm right here, in your heart._

Freddie laid a bunch of red roses on Sam's grave, making sure that there was no dead petals on the soft dirt. He hated to see dead petals on her grave. It made it look as if no one cared about her.

Freddie knelt beside the grave, and rubbed a speck of dirt of Sam's headstone. "Morning Sam,"

It had been a month since Sam died, and almost every day since then Freddie had gone too see his wife. He knew he couldn't keep it up forever, but he needed to talk to her.

He was struggling.

"I know I promised that I was going to be okay," He said, tears spilling from his eyes. "And I will, it's just going to take a while. But I'll be okay, so don't worry darling."

"Baby Sam is doing great," He continued. "I bet she's going to grow p just like you, a fighter. Probably without the criminal record though,"

He laughed to himself a little, but it only lasted a second. He felt as if he shouldn't be happy. Not now.

"I will keep my promise Sam," He said quietly. "I am going to find our little girl."

And he was, he just had to be ready first. Freddie did want to meet his daughter, and not be able to smile- because right now, he wasn't sure what smiling was anymore.

"It might just take me a while to get there," He sighed. "But I can't wait to meet her. I've been wondering what she looks like; I mean, did she take after me? Or after you?"

He wished she could answer. He really truly did.

"I just hope she wants to know me." Freddie voiced the thought that had been floating around in his head for so long. "What if she hates me for giving her up? What if she's happy with her adoptive parents, and doesn't want to get to know me? I don't know if I could take that Sam."

He paused to wipe his tears away. "I think it's the hope of having her in my life is what's been keeping me going."

"God," Freddie looked to the sky. "God, I miss you Sam. It hurts to get up every morning, and I just want to wake up and see you next to me. I need you to be here. This isn't fair,"

A breeze rushed around him, as if to hug him. And Freddie knew it was Sam, he wanted to believe it was Sam.

"I love you," He said quietly. "I'll always love you Sam. More than words could ever say."

He stood up. He hated leaving her, but his mom had reassured him that Sam wasn't there. She had given his this poem her mom had left her when she died. It went something like, "Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep."

Something like that at least.

Freddie turned and walked away. He never said goodbye, because he was never leaving her. Not really.

She was in his heart.

/

Freddie sat at his desk, in a cold and lonely apartment. He had an old picture, a picture that was sixteen years old in his hands.

After their daughter was born, after Sam had refused to hold her, Freddie had gone to see her in the nursery.

He had snapped a picture of the tiny girl, and kept it secret from Sam all these years. He had kept the picture in a close part of his wallet, a part Sam didn't know about, and every once and a while he would look at it.

Look at it, and wonder how she was. Did she get good grades, was she happy, did she have a family that loved her.

Freddie knew it was dumb, to keep the photo that it, because every time he looked at it, his heart ached for everything he couldn't have; a family, a family that included Sam.

He picked up his cell phone, and dialled a number.

Freddie's heart was racing as he listened to the dialling tone. When someone finally answered, he felt as though his heart had leapt from his chest.

"H-hello," He began. "My name is Freddie Benson, and I was wondering,"

He looked at the photo. He was going to keep his promise.

"I gave my daughter up for adoption sixteen years ago," He continued. "How would I go about finding her?"

/

**Author's Note: **Can I just say that you are all amazing people? The fact there's one hundred reviews on this, over a hundred actually is just mind boggling. So, thank if. Thank you if you've stuck with this story 'till the end, if you liked it, enjoyed it, everything.

You are all incredibly awesome :3

I know this is a kind of wide open ending, but there is a reason. I have an idea for a sequel, but first off, I'd like to know if you'd want to read a sequel? And if you do, there's going to be a bit of a wait until I can write it; Easter, or the summer holidays I'm afraid.

But yes, I'd love to write a sequel, if you'd like to read one. Let me know!

As always, reviews are love, and thank you for reading this!


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